When the blogging gets slow…..

I’ve had blogs before.  I had a bullshit myspace blog and once upon a time I had a blog on the now defunct dopedesign.  But now I have this blog. On a good blogging app.  A real blog.  And yet, little to blog about.

I could bitch about working in retail and complain about customers or being required to work weekly overtime at half-pay or being called constantly by employees who can’t figure something out or crazy retail hours or….well, you get the picture.  But who wants to hear about all that? I don’t even want to experience these things let alone talk about them.

Writing about belly dance is hard to keep interesting.  If anything I’ll probably end up writing about ideas for my class, but writing about a performance art is never comparable to seeing or doing it.  Or I’ll blog mostly belly dance videos and pictures.

I read Reuters and Scientific American and many things on a myriad of subjects and yet when it comes to writing about them…nothing…

What has finally occurred to me is that my problem with blogging is the same problem I’m having with many things right now–my quarter life crisis.

I’m in my mid-twenties, approaching my fifth year at a job I don’t especially like–and let’s face it, retail is not very lucrative when the economy is slow–and am faced with trying to figure out what it is I’m going to do with my life.  What do I want to do?  What can I do?  What’s going to pay the bills?  How am I going to pay off debt?  How do I make my way in the world?  Will I be able to convince people of how capable I am without certain credentials? How do I get a good job and still hold on to personal freedom and a fulfilling personal life? Will I ever figure out whether or not “I” comes before “E”, or be able to do math in my head, or accept that “pronunciate” isn’t really a word, or be able to spell “business” right on the first try?

I’ve seen a quarter life crisis coming for a long time. I remember the exact  moment I predicted it.  I was in my mid teens, sitting by myself in  my room contemplating life and what I might do.  I had no illusions about how to get from one point to another.  I thought about college and crappy jobs (I already was holding a steady job, no doubt, I was a very responsible teenager), and roommates and the financial struggle before success and how it was all unavoidable. And it definitely has a suck factor just like I knew it would.

And the worst part? It’s all-consuming. Hence the lack of focus that keeps me from concentrating long enough to blog. I’m distracted constantly with trying to think up new solutions. It always really bothered me when people would complain about their lives and do nothing to try to change it; when people were willingly playing the victim. And here I am, trying desperately to figure out how to take control of my life with no clear answers; no easy options.  I know it’s just a matter of time and something will happen, but ugh! the waiting…I hate waiting…

So, I have done the only thing I could think of to break this particular block. I have blogged about why I can’t blog. And I suppose that’s progress, even if it’s slight.